


I Do...but not to you.

by BlazersEtc



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Past Clace, Past Malec - Freeform, So if you ship either of those you don't want to read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 14:13:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14357157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazersEtc/pseuds/BlazersEtc
Summary: Alec and Magnus are engaged, Clary and Jace are married. Both couples are happy together, each looking forward to forever...but sometimes forever isn't as long as you think.





	I Do...but not to you.

Alec had given a lot of thought to how his first relationship would end.  He’d worried over it for months: the thought of dying and leaving Magnus behind, of being something temporary while Magnus existed forever, was something that ate Alec away bit by bit.  Slowly, he’d learned to move on from the thoughts, to enjoy each moment as it came and make the most of the time he had.   He imagined his relationship ending with him in his death bed, dying of old age as a still young Magnus held his hand; what he hadn’t expected was for his relationship to end far before those years.

* * *

 

  
“Alexander, are you even listening to me?” Magnus’s tone held an edge of annoyance as he sat on the couch beside Alec, wine glass in hand.

  
“Sorry, I am. I just….I’m really exhausted.” Alec wasn’t lying either, the institute had him working harder than ever before and he was lucky he had a few hours every night to sleep.  Dark circles seemed to be permanent fixture on his face lately and the wakeful runes and coffee didn’t seem to be helping anymore.

“Maybe you need to work less.” Magnus suggested, as if it were the easiest thing in the world.

  
“We’ve been through this, I can’t just take time off. I have people to take care of. I was born to protect Mundanes and Downworlders. If I take time off they get hurt. I can lose some sleep if it means they’re safe and protected. “ Alec knew his workload was unfair, but each Institute leader before him had experienced the same and if that meant sleeping a little less, he would do it, because there were people who needed protecting. 

“I hardly see you anymore.”

That hit a nerve.  Alec had been working non-stop but he always made sure he had time for Magnus. He’d even made time for a special date this week and had slept a minimal three hours to be able to make it to work on time afterward. Alec had been putting in extra effort to ensure Magnus had time with him and that he gave him attention, but apparently, it wasn’t enough.

“Really? Because if I recall correctly, I planned an entire date for us just a few days ago and only got to sleep three hours to make it happen before I worked for fourteen hours. I spent an extra hour of my sleep time for the past two weeks planning that date. I’ve hardly slept for the past three months but I always make time for you.”

“Not enough.” Magnus threw back the rest of his wine and set the glass on the table at his feet. 

“What do you want from me? I’m a Shadowhunter Magnus! We don’t get free time to do whatever we want. I have a duty. I don’t have the luxury of taking decades off of work. I make time for you, I spend more time with you than anyone else in the institute spends with their partners. I won’t apologize for protecting people who can’t protect themselves.“

“Well then, maybe you’ve decided what is more important to you.”

  
Magnus stood, face void of emotion, “You have 48 hours to get your things out of my loft. When I get back I expect to not find a single trace of you."

Magnus turned and paused, "Goodbye Alexander.”

  
And with that, Magnus snapped his fingers and vanished.

* * *

  
At first, Alec doesn’t feel anything; He’s too busy moving his stuff from Magnus’s back to the institute without the use of a portal. He’s angry. Angry at Magnus for throwing away the past four years they shared because of something so small, angry that it always seems to be his fault when anything happens between them and angry that he fought so hard for someone who didn’t care about him as much as he cared about the Warlock.  It’s only once everything is moved into his room at the institute and he sits down and his engagement ring catches the light that he breaks.

  
It feels as if the world is ending, even though Alec knows it’s not, and he can barely get a grip on himself.  He’s not even surprised when Jace barges into his room looking worried and demanding to know what's wrong; he's not even thinking about trying to block the feelings coming through the bond.

  
"He...he dumped me, Jace."

 

It's the only thing he can think to say, tears streaming down his face as he cries openly to Jace. His parabatai's eyes widen before he moves to sit on the floor beside Alec, hesitantly reaching out to lay a comforting hand on his back.

  
"I....Alec, I'm so sorry." It's all Jace can say, it's all he knows how to say-and for Alec it's all he needs to hear.

  
Jace pulls Alec into his arms without a second thought and Alec goes willingly, sobbing into Jace's shoulder so hard that Jace has to remind him to breathe.  He cries until he has no tears left and he slumps against Jace in exhaustion.

  
"You need some rest. We'll worry about the mess tomorrow." Jace gently helps Alec up and sets him down on his bed, hoping that he will at least find some comfort in a nap.  Alec just numbly goes where Jace directs him, his body acting on autopilot, his mind too tired to do anything more than be manhandled.  Jace grabs one of the blankets from Alec's closet and places it over Alec's form, his parabatai looking so completely broken that Jace's heart shatters in his chest and he gives Alec's arm a little squeeze, moving to step away.

  
"Stay."

  
The voice is quiet, pleading,  _tired_ and Jace can't argue with it.  Clary will understand if he sleeps here tonight.  So he kicks off his shoes, sheds his leather jacket and slides under the blanket with Alec.  Alec dosn't take his eyes off the ceiling but he's shaking, Jace can feel the vibrations through the mattress, and it makes his heart ache. He pulls Alec closer, tucking him against his body and Alec goes easily, curling against Jace as tight as he can. Jace dosn't say anything but doesn't need to, and finally, Alec passes out; completely exhausted. 

 

* * *

  
The first few weeks after the breakup are the hardest.  Alec barely sleeps, too used to falling asleep with a warm body beside him and someone to hold. He tries to unpack the boxes he brought from Magnus's loft, put his things away in his room where they belong now; but every time he starts he finds something else that reminds him of Magnus and ends up needing a solid half hour to recollect himself. It's not just his mental state that's suffering either.  Alec is hardly ever at meals and Jace is sure Alec is abusing his nourishment rune to avoid sitting at a table with other people, specifically Izzy and Clary.  Jace feels constant pain and heartbreak coming through the bond and Jace just wants to _help_ ; but he doesn't know how.  What do you say to someone when they've lost something so important?

Jace settles for actions instead.

  
It's small things every day.  A coffee waiting on Alec's desk after a particularly rough night (Jace can always feel the restlessness through the bond), mission reports already filled out and filed, taking Izzy shoe shopping because Alec hates shopping and he knows Izzy wants to ask questions Alec isn't ready to answer.  No matter what menial task it is, Jace tries his hardest to make things easier for Alec.

  
"You're spending a lot of time helping Alec." Clary comments on day over lunch, a random change in topic from their conversation about ancient runes moments ago.  Jace shrugs and swallows his bite of food, unphased by her comment. He and Alec have always been close, but he supposes Clary hasn't been around them long enough to know. 

  
"Alec and I are very different but the one thing we have in common is that we never thought we'd.....we never thought we'd find anyone to love us." Jace says quietly, looking suddenly uncomfortable saying such a thing in such a busy room. "Alec especially- and he found it. He was incredibly happy....and now it's gone. He's...." Jace struggles to find the words he wants to say without giving away anything too intimate. They share feelings but that doesn't mean Alec would want Clary knowing his innermost struggles.

  
"He's heartbroken. I don't think he thinks he'll ever have that again." Jace's voice is a little shaky and Clary reaches across the table to squeeze his hand.

  
"He will. You found love and now you have a wife who loves you very much." Clary smiles softly, kissing Jace's wedding ring. "He'll find someone to share his heart with."

  
"I hope you're right." Jace smiles softly, squeezing her hand back. "I hope so..."

 

* * *

  
Weeks turn into months.  Alec slowly starts to return to his old self, the self he was before Magnus Bane came into their lives; and while Jace is happy to have his sassy parabatai back- he still worries.  Alec is still lonely, Jace can tell, and after being so used to having sex on a regular basis for so long, he's horny as hell. There have been far too many times the lust has bled through the bond, causing Jace to end up pining Clary to the nearest surface.  Jace had tried to convince Alec to go out, find a guy just for the night, but Alec would just brush him off and say he had better thing to do with his time. 

  
Meanwhile, Jace had been dealing with his own problems. Clary enjoyed missions but not as much as he or Alec did, and he'd seen the way Clary's face lit up around the young Shadowhunters at the institute. Sometimes he'd find her teaching them basic fight moves in the training area or teaching them runes in the library and he knew what she wanted-and it wasn't what he wanted.

  
Jace had thought about being a father. He'd gone over all the possible scenarios in his mind a million times, and as much as Clary insisted he'd make a good parent....Jace wasn't so sure.  He had so many of Valentine's basic principles ingrained in him that he didn't want to risk becoming what he most hated.  Besides, he'd never really had any life goals to have children, but Clary loved them and Jace had no idea how to tell her that he never wanted them.

  
So when Clary had been offered a teaching position in Alicante, teaching children in their first years, Jace couldn't deny her that; but he also wouldn't leave Alec. So Jace split his days between Alicante and New York. On days without demon activity he'd head to Alicante and wait for Clary to get home, dinner and a movie ready and waiting. On days when he was needed in New York, Clary would portal to New York for the night. This system worked perfectly, they saw each other every day and always spent the night together...but slowly, the system started to crack.

  
As Clary progressed in her job she had more and more prep work for lessons. She was expected to attend parties and meetings in Alicante, which often meant Jace had passed out on the couch long before Clary was even back to the house; and when he woke it was far too early to wake her after a long night. When Clary would visit the Institute on her days off, there was always demons running rampant or a mandatory meeting to attend and there was barely time for a quickie and a shower before Clary had to portal back for work.

  
Months passed and soon they were seeing each other twice a week instead of every night and it was on one of their rare nights together, in the afterglow of what Jace considered decent sex that Clary finally shattered their fragile bubble of happiness.

  
"I can't do this anymore." Clary's voice was quiet as she looked up at the ceiling, whether she was avoiding Jace's eyes or trying to hold back tears, Jace would never know.

  
Jace's brow furrowed in confusion as he looked over at her, "Do what?"

  
"This." Clary motioned between them. "Portaling everywhere only to end up missing you anyway because you're on a mission or in a meeting...or on the rare chance I actually get to see you, having a short time for this-" Clary motioned between their sweaty bodies and rumpled sheets, "-before one of us has to leave again."

  
Jace bit his lip, trying not to lash out in return, but there was an underlying frustartion that had been growing in him for a while now and he couldn't help but snip back.

  
"And when I portal to see you, you're off at a party or attending a hearing or tutoring students. The kids in your class see you more often than your husband does." Jace couldn't help the bitterness that slipped into his voice, trying to hide the hurt he felt. 

  
"And that's my fault? You could come with me whenever you want! There are plenty of jobs for you in Idris. You're a Herondale, you could do anything you want!" Clary huffed a little crossing her arms over her sheet clad chest.

   
"I  _want_ to be a Shadowhunter. Not stuck behind a desk listening to the Clave bicker over treaties and laws. Besides, I can't leave my parabatai behind."

  
Clary paused, looking at Jace for a moment as if she were suddenly seeing something clearly that she's missed before. She stood, slowly starting to get dressed and Jace watched her, suddenly a lot more nervous than he thought he should be.

  
"Then...then I think it's best if we split ways, Jace." Clary's voice was quiet and Jace could hear pain laced in her voice. Her back was to him now but he kew if she turned, there would be tears in her eyes.

  
"What? Clary, you can't....you don't mean that?" Jace pushed himself up, his voice cracked ever so slightly, his throat tightening painfully.

  
"I do, Jace." Clary turned, her eyes red as she threw her jacket on, unshed tear shining in them. "We hardly see each other and when we do we always end up having sex and splitting ways again. When was the last time he talked Jace?" Jace opened his mouth to speak but Clary held up her finger, " _Without_ being naked."

  
Jace paused, looking down at his lap as he realized he couldn't even remember how long ago.  Months, it had been months, and he didn't even know anything about what was going on in Clary's life. Sure, she was teaching, but really, what did he know beyond that? He knew nothing about her class, or even what class she was teaching now, he didn't know what she'd fought for in her board meetings or which students she was working with and he realized that Clary new just as little about him.

  
"Do...do you even love me anymore?" Clary's voice was almost as soft as a whisper as she looked across the room at Jace, more vulnerable than Jace had seen her in a long time.

  
"What? Clary, of  _course_ I love you! Why would you even ask that?" Jace could feel his chest tighten at the words, was he really that bad at showing his feelings? Hadn't he gotten past that?

  
"Think about it Jace, don't just awnser based on the girl you used to know. Look at me now and tell me, do you love me...?"

  
Jace paused, looking up at Clary in the dimly lit room. Her hair was the same, just as firey red and curly as ever, but she didn't look the same as she had when she'd stumbled into Jace's life. She held her shoulders back a little farther, her skin a little less pale, she had lost some of that peppy spark Jace had fallen for, looking far more stern and collected than Jace remembered her being. There was also a lack of runes, her once decorate skin, a warriors skin, now only held a handful of the marks, proving just how much of her Shadowhunter side had been put away for her teaching role. As Jace stared at her, he felt like he was looking at a stranger and though he felt attraction when he looked at her form, there was no longer any love. His heart didn't speed up when she walked into the room, he no longer got excited to tell Clary about his day or missions, and he no longer felt calm just by curling up beside her.

  
No, he wasn't in love with her. Not anymore.

  
"I....." A tear slid free from his eye and he swallowed hard. "Clary, I'm...I'm sorry."

  
Clary nodded slowly, taking her wedding ring from her finger and setting it on his bedside table. Her eyes were full of tears but her voice was even as she turned to leave.

  
"I hope you find someone to love you, Jace." She paused with her hand on the doorknob and Jace felt his whole world crumbling beneath him. She opened her mouth and closed it again, seeming to re-think her next words.

  
"Goodbye, Jace Wayland." Clary stepped out the door, closing it with a soft click.

  
"Goodbye, Clary Fray." Jace's voice was soft as he stared at the door for a moment, completely unable to move. When the room began to shake Jace realized it was him that was moving, sobs so rough and deep that Jace felt lightheaded.

  
_To love is to destory._

  
The words echoed in Jace mind over and over until he'd passed out from exhuastion.

* * *

  
When Jace awoke there was a hand gently playing with his hair, the feeling was such a foriegn one to Jace, but so craved that he leaned into the touch without opening his eyes. He didn't speak for a moment, wondering if Clary had come back but as awareness seeped into his being he realized the hand was far too large to be Clary's-and that meant it could only be one person.

  
"I...she...Jace's voice was raw from crying, his voice sounding so broken that he couldn't help but flinch.

  
"I know." Alec's voice was gentle, his hand never stopping its soothing motion. "I know, Jace."

  
Jace couldn't fight the tears off as they sprang forth once more and Alec pulled Jace into his arms, rubbing his back.

  
"It'll be okay Jace." Alec clung to him tightly, closing his eyes. "it'll be okay."

 

* * *

  
Jace is numb. He's been through unspeakable horror and trauma in his life, each leaving him with a scar, but this....this  hit him in a way nothing else had. There's no deep pain that leaves him with night terrors, no emotions that come flowing out when he sits at the piano (he hasn't even touched it since Clary left), there's just a cold, empty void.  Jace has come back to the institute injured more times than Alec can stand and he's taken to going on every mission Jace takes just to make sure he comes back in one piece.

  
Jace suposses he should care, should stay safe if only to make sure not to cause Alec any more pain; but he can't find it in himself to feel any empathy. The only time he feels anything is when Alec comes to check on him. He knows that Alec is worried, he can see it on his face, and at this point, Alec is the only thing keeping him going. If it wasn't for Alec, he would have let a hoard of demons take him out weeks ago. But Alec is always there, checking on him every night and on especially hard nights, staying by his side.  Jace never really talks anymore,  trapped inside his own head; so when Jace speaks one night as they're laying on jace's bed together, Alec almost jumps in surpirise.

  
"Is...is this what it felt like?" Jace's voice is tired, so tired, and Alec's heart clenches in his chest as he pulls Jace tighter against himself.

  
"This is exactly what it felt like." Alec's voice is gentle in the night air, barely a whisper and Jace gently strokes Alec's t-shirt clad chest with his thumb but stays otherwise silent. He has nothing more to ask and Alec dosn't push, knowing that Jace will talk when he's ready.

* * *

  
Jace sits silently at the foot of a perfectly made bed in a room he's been in far too many times before, but it seems so foreign to him now that it's almost scary. The room is bathed in a beautiful orange glow from the setting sun, making the small room even more cozy feeling.  Jace wants to enjoy it, to lay back on the covers and just _relax_. It's been so long since he's been able to de-stress and being back in Idris makes him feel as if he's stepping into something that happened a long time ago. It's all very dreamlike, which is why he's currently hiding in Alec's room and not down at the wedding reception.

  
Izzy had gotten the invitation, and of course, he and Alec were invited.  Jace thought he'd be able to handle seeing Clary happy with another man, and he'd made it through the ceremony without flinching, but somewhere part way into the reception, Clary's husband had picked her up and spun her around, causing her to throw her head back and laugh.... and something about that image, Clary so carefree and happy, like the way they used to be, had Jace running.

  
He didn't even consciously choose a destination, just let his feet carry him where they willed him to go. He'd ended up in Alec's old room, a place he used to go when he had nightmares as a child. It had always calmed him then, but now it just felt like a room in a place long since forgotten. The door opened with a creak and Jace looked up to see his parabatai in the doorway.

  
"Hey..." Alec closed the door behind himself and came to sit next to Jace. "I saw you take off...."

  
"Yeah, I....sorry. I just...." Jace took a shaky breath, "I don't know what's wrong with me. I should be glad that she's happy. She deserve someone who can love her. I don't....I'm not even in love with her anymore and yet..." Jace rubbed at his eyes roughly, feeling silly for caring so much about someone he no longer had ties with.

  
"I get it. I...I ran into Magnus...last month, while I was at a meeting and...he had his new boyfriend with him. I...I barely made it through the meeting." Alec said quietly, looking down at his clasped hands. "It never seems to get easier."

  
Jace shook his head slightly, "No it doesn't." Jace turned to look at Alec, "Why didn't you tell me?"

  
"What, that I saw my ex-boyfriend? Not much to tell, Jace. Nothing is going to change."

  
Jace swallowed hard and looked down at his own hands, "You'll find someone, Alec."

  
Alec shook hs head, "I don't think so."

"Alec, you're the head of the inisutute. You're the best archer we have and anyone, anyone, would be lucky to have you."

  
"Thanks but....I think my luck has run out." Alec smiled softly at Jace, who shook his head stubbornly. 

  
"I guess at least we won't die alone. You'll always have me parabatai."

  
Alec smiled in return, eyes softening. "And you'll always have me."

  
Jace smiled in return, his heart warming at the sincerity in Alec's words. No matter how bad things had gotten, Alec had always there for him. From the moment he came to live with the Lightwoods, Alec had accepted him and even when Jace became the reckless teenager who took too many risks, Alec was there to have his back. Alec was there through every nightmare, every bad day, every time Jace had truly been at his lowest, Alec had been there to prop him back up. Nothing Jace had done had been able to push him away.

  
Alec stood, patting Jace's knee, "Come back down when you're ready. If you want to hide up here for tonight, go ahead. I'll take the couch."

  
It was in that second that everything seemed to click in his mind. **Alec.**   Alec was the one that Jace looked forward to sharing with every day, Alec was the one who always had his back, who never judged him for his faults, who was always willing to lend an ear or hold him when there was no one else; Jace didn't even need to ask for the comfort because Alec just _knew_. Alec was the place he felt safe, where he felt cared for and loved. Alec was the one that Jace trusted his secrets with, the only one he let see beneath his carefully crafted armor. It was Alec. It had always been Alec.

  
Jace jumped up from the bed, grabbing Alec by the shoulders and spinning him around to kiss him full on the mouth. Alec gasped in surprise and pushed him back, eyes wide open. "Jace?"

  
"I love you." Jace rushed out, hands holding onto Alec's cheeks as his eyes frantically looked all over his face. "I love you. I've always loved you. I just...I never knew it. Until now."

  
Alec looked so bewilered that Jace rushed to explain, dropping his hand to Alec's shoulders. "I know you liked me. I figured it out right before Magnus....but then he came in and swept you off your feet and i never really  _had_  to think about that option, becuase you were happy. Because I was happy. Then when Clary....I was so numb to everything.....but it was you. Alec, it's you. You're the one I want to see everyday, you're the one I trust with my life, and I don't give a damn what the Clave thinks, because I've been through enough to know that what I feel for you is worth any pain or punishment they can come up with."

  
Alec had gripped onto Jace's elbows for dear life during his speech and now he was shaking, having wanted to hear those words for song long but never dreaming of hearing them.

  
"I'm sorry it took me so long to see it, Alec." Jace looked up at Alec with such a terrified look that Alec couldn't do anything but wrap his arms around Jace tightly.

  
"I love you too, Jace. I never  _stopped_ loving you. I tried, damn it, I tried but I....I couldn't." Alec's voice was shaking thick with emotion.

  
Jace reached out to place his hand on Alec's face, searching his eyes for a moment, unsure of what to say, so instead, he leaned in for another kiss.

  
It was if the dam had been opened, years of repressed feelings bubbling to the surface and threatening to overtake them both. The fact that there was a wedding going on outside was forgotten, instead, they both focused on each other, lips pressing against each other desperately, over and over as they tried to get as close as possible to the other. The bond seemed to open farther than ever before, creating a warm hum in Jace's chest that felt more comforting than anything he'd felt in the past.

  
He pressed towards the feeling and Alec seemed to be in the same predicament, pressing back until Jace was backed against the wall, his hands slipping slightly under Alec's shirt to touch the skin of his back. It was Alec who broke the kiss for a moment, trying to catch his breath, he stared at Jace so intensely that Jace could swear he could hear Alec's thoughts.

  
No, they shouldn't be doing this.... _but they were going to anyway._

  
Alec dove back in, kissing Jace with vigor and Jace kissed back, his hand pushing Alec's shirt up higher and huffing when it got stuck.

  
"Damn these stupid dress clothes."

  
Alec chuckled and shook his head, pulling back enough to undo the buttons and shrug it off his shoulder, raising an eyebrow when Jace paused to stare.

  
"What? You've seen me shirtless before."

  
Jace flushed slightly, fingers moving to work on the buttons of his own dress shirt. "Yeah, but I wasn't _looking_."

  
Alec smirked, eyes following the trail of Jace's fingers until the last button was free and then his lips were back on his parabatai's, pressing the material of his shirt away from his body.

  
They moved away from the wall, seemingly having a silent conversation as they made their way to the bed, hands roaming across runed skin, each man marveling over the other. Alec had dreamed of this moment for years, always thinking it would remain a fantasy in his mind but now he was here,  _touching_ Jace in such an intimate way and as he fell back on the bed he couldn't do anything besides pull Jace closer.

  
Jace went easily into Alec's hold, bracing himself on his elbows as he kissed back, letting his weight settle on Alec's body. It was no surprise to feel Alec's cock pressing against his hip through his dress pants but Jace felt a little taken aback all the same. Sex was familiar to Jace, even before Clary he'd had countless hookups, men and women alike, but this was different. This was  _Alec_ and Jace didn't want this to be just another hook up-he wouldn't let it.

  
"Jace, if you're not sure-"

  
"No." Jace's tone was firm as he looked Alec in the eye, wanting him to see he wasn't backing out of this. "I'm completely sure."

  
Alec nodded slowly, lifting his head to kiss Jace, softer this time, as his hands trailed over the blonde's back to rest on his ass, grinding up against him slightly. Jace let out a quiet moan, hands moving to quickly reach between them to undo Alec's zipper and shove the offending material away. Alec wasted no time in working his pants off, grabbing at his boxers and tugging them down as well, while Jace worked on his own fly. Alec smirked when Jace kicked off his trousers, realizing that his parabatai hadn't been wearing underwear.

  
"Planning on this?" Alec teased as Jace kicked the pants to the ground.

  
"Just more comfortable." Jace's reply was honest, not wanting to be cocky and scare Alec away or make him think this was about sex, and he leaned down for another kiss, moaning when Alec's hands trailed over his naked sides.

  
"How do you....?" Alec looked a little shy suddenly, motioning between them as his cheeks colored a bit and Jace realized neither of them had gotten this far in the thought process.

  
"I uh...I'm good with, whatever." Jace fumbled, pausing for a second before adding, "I mean, if I'm being honest it's been several months. I'm not sure I'll make it that far."

  
Alec let out a sigh of relief, a grin setting over his face as he looked up at Jace's emabressed features. "Good because I don't think I will either."

  
Jace grinned slowly, diving back in for a kiss and Alec groaned into his mouth, arms wrapping around the shorter man's torso. Jace ground his hips down against Alec's, causing a gasp to escape them both at the sudden wave of pleasure that was floating through the bond. Jace had never been so completely taken over by sex before, never been so lost to it that he couldn't think, but now he couldn't even remember his own name, let alone any specific details. The bond was sending a current of energy between them, Jace's blood was almost humming and judging by the look of awe on Alec's face, he could feel it too.

  
Alec surged up to capture Jace's lips with his own, biting gently at his lower lip, causing Jace to groan in retun, hips pressing down harder against Alec's.

  
"Parabatai..." Alec's voice was scratchy, rough and deep in a way that sent shivers down Jace's spine. He could feel the energy between them shifting, making him feel giddy as if something life-changing were about to happen. He could feel his heart knitting itself back together, as if he'd been missing it for too long.

  
"Yeah....I know." Jace kissed Alec back, trying to pour his emotions into the kiss as words were currently failing him.

  
It didn't take but one more press of Jace's hips before Alec was gasping Jace's name and painting his stomach with white. Jace watched in awe as Alec's eyes fluttered, his back arching underneath him like that of his bow, and suddenly Jace couldn't handle it anymore. He let himself fall over the edge, moaning Alec's name as he came, dropping his body down in exhaustion.

  
The air was still as they both tried to catch their breath, but neither boy felt discomforted by it, in fact, Jace was sure he'd never felt more at ease.

  
Tomorrow, they'd talk about what happened. Make plans for how to handle things when they got back to New York, but for now ,they opted to curl together in silence. Jace didn't care if they were sweaty and sticky or that they'd soon need to get up to wash off-right now he had everything he needed.

* * *

  
Jace had never been so nervous in his life.

  
His stomach was twisting itself in knots and it wasn't helping that the person who was sharing his soul seemed to be just as anxious. The weather outside was perfect: sunny and warm- and all of Jace's friends and family were here (well, what family he had left) and that should be reason enough to keep him calm but instead he was nervously clenching his jaw and trying not to pass out...or throw up, or anything else embarrassing really.

  
Jace didn't mind people staring at him, after all he was the golden boy, he'd lived through people wanting to kill him for thinking he was Valentine's son to praising him as a war hero. Eyes on him didn't bother him, not in the least, but today....today was different. When he won wars or fought demon's no one knew his feelings. Nothing was being shared that he didn't want people to share in, but this moment seemed almost too private to be allowing anyone to see.

  
"Jace, relax. As your best man, I can't condone you throwing up in front of everyone." Simon's voice was teasing and his smile was wide and fond.  Jace knew he should laugh but his nerves held him back.

  
"Keep talking and I'm going to throw up on your new shoes and Izzy will completely rip you apart for ruining those designer shoes."

  
"Alec was right, you do get snippy when you're nervous." Simon shook his head and gave Jace a pat on the back, stepping away to take his spot behind Jace once more.

  
It was then that the crowd stood, all looking back as if waiting for something-or someone, and Jace felt his breath catch in his throat. Alec was dressed in a perfectly tailored gold suit, looking as if he'd stepped out of a fashion magazine (Jace was sure that was izzy's doing) and walking down the aisle with a velvet box in his hand.  Jace's heart was pounding so hard he was sure everyone could hear it-and Simon definitely could. Damn vampires and their hearing.

  
Alec came to a stop only when he stood across from Jace, smiling at him soflty and taking his hand, giving it a squeeze. _It's okay, I'm nervous too._ The words didn't need said, Jace just  _knew._

  
"We are gathered here today to witness the wedded union of Jace Herondale and Alec Lightwood...."

  
Jace barely heard a word the silent brothers said, focused on Alec and trying to keep calm, but Alec's hand was shaking in his own and he knew Alec was having a hard time keeping it together as well.

  
"...you may now present the marrige jewels."

  
Alec opened the box and inside sat two matching rings, each featuring an inlay of sapphire in the shape of a parabatai rune, the word 'aeternum' engraved in elegant script below it. Alec took one shakily and held it in his hand.

  
"Jace, from the moment I met you I knew you were special. I didn't know what I felt for you back then, I was too young to fullu understand it, but the older I got the more I realized that what I felt for you was love. I didn't have a reason then and I don't need one now. I know that I love you and I will love you until my heart stops beating." Alec moved to gently attach the ring to Jace's necklace, right beside his family ring and Jace swallowed, trying to keep tears back.

  
"Alec," jac'es voice was thick as he tried to press on," you were the first person to show me what love could be. I didn't know what love was, especially not when I came to the inisutute, but then we became parabatai and you were always there for me. Even when everyone else doubted me, you were there. You didn't question me or make me feel inferior, you just showed me acceptence and kindness...and to this day, you remind me that love that can be a thing that builds and strenghten, not destory."

  
Jace reached for the second ring, gently sliding it onto Alec's finger, pulling a shaky breath from Alec.

  
"If ought but death part thee and me." They whispered in unison, leaning into to seal their vows with a kiss. The crowd cheered, Izzy and Clary being the loudest but Simon was right behind them. Even Mayrse and Luke were clapping animatedly and Jace grinned as he pulled away, Alec mirroring his elated expression.

  
"I'm proud to prsent Mr. Jace Herondale-Lightwood  & Mr. Alec Herondale-Lightwood."

  
Around them the crowd stood and clapped, various good wishes being sent but Jace didn't hear them, too busy leaning in for another kiss. 

* * *

  
The light was fading by the time the party following their ceremony had started to come to an end. The only people left were close family and friends and even Mayrse had excused herself for bed by now. Izzy and Simon were slowly dancing together as Clary and her husband watched them,talking quietly among themselves. Luke was chatting with Maia who was busy trying to make sure no cake was left behind. It was an image Jace enjoyed, it was the image of happiness, of family.

  
The summer air was warm and Jace and Alec had both shed their suit jackets to lay back on the grass and watch the towers of Alicante sparkle in the last slivers of setting sun, hand threaded between them.

  
"I never thought I would have this..." jace's voice breaks the comfortable silence and Alec looks over at him with soft eyes.

  
"When I was younger I never thought I was allowed to love, to accept love. When Clary came along, I thought maybe...maybe I could but the longer it went on the more I realized I wasn't cut out for love. Love still destroyed me."  
Alec gently ran his thumb over the back of Jace's hand, letting him talk.

  
"...but I was wrong. It wasn't love that destroyed me, it was not knowing love when I felt it. My one night stands were lust, clary was a different kind of love, one that burnt out too quickly, but you..." Jace turned his head to look at Alec.

  
"You're what was missing. I thought that we couldn't be together. Even though I wanted it more than anything, I was afraid we'd be caught, that my love would destory us both...but then when the law was ebollished I had nothing left to fight and that last part of me that whispered that I could destory us was gone."

  
Alec gave Jace's hand a squeeze of reassurance, remebering the day all too well. He'd been hosting a meeting in Alicante on the case of two young parabatai who'd fallen in love. They'd been dating in secret for years and though the clave wanted to prove they were dangerous, each test seemed more uesless than the last. There was no magic, no sudden murderous feelings when someone tried to harm the other, no risks to anyone; just two people sharing a deeper bond than most. News of the Clave's failed trials had spread and when it came time for their trial, parabatai from all over the world had come forward to confess that they too had been together without side affects. The Clave had no option but to abolish the law and it was on that very day that Alec had proposed.

  
"I love you, Alec."

  
Alec smiled, leaning down to kiss Jace softly, "I love you too. I never thought I would be here...when I was young I didn't think I could ever have anything other than a false marrige for the reputation of the family. Then when Magnus happened i thought...I thought I'd never find anyone else who would want me and then you...you gave me the best news of my life. I didn't even care if we had to hide or break the Clave's law, because I love you so much that just a few moments being together with you was worth the risk."

  
Jace smiled, leaning his head on Alec's shoulder and listening to the sound of Izzy's laugh foating up from the tent below the hill.

  
"Tu meo usque in sempiternum." Jace whispered quietly, holding onto his necklace with one hand.

  
"Et meus es tu." Alec replied, closing his eyes.

  
It had been a long road full of bumps, bruises and complete derailements, but Jace was finally _home._

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't put it in this story but I have a slight headcanon that Magnus was hiding out nearby to make sure alec found happiness.


End file.
